Thoughtful Thursday

Last night I posted on Facebook a sweatie selfie after my Insanity Max: 30 workout; Sweat Intervals. Yes, it was 10:30pm, yes, I had just finished instructing Cize LIVE, yes, I probably drove my neighbor downstairs bonkers (Sorry!) I had to get it done.  As I was looking in the mirror last night at the studio I noticed I lost some muscle tone. I was pissed. Mostly at myself but also frustrated that even though I'm working out 5+ hours a week- that is still not sufficient.  That I still need to incorporate my Body Weight Fitness, that I still need that HIIT workout, that I let myself slack.
As I was looking in the mirror I could have stopped right in the middle of class and cried. I didn't,  but I sure wanted to. 
I could not get that bummed feeling of letting my hard work go down the drain out of my head the entire errand run to Target at 8:45 pm, or when I got home and had to pick up the house, put away the purchases, mop the kitchen floor, walk the dogs, and feed the cat. So I sucked it up and got the workout done.
Here's where that thoughtful Thursday comes in:
I may have lost some muscle tone but I have noticed a few other changes. I can jump and Jump and JUMP. I could never do a lot of jacks before and I blamed it on my knees but let's be real- it was the WEIGHT on my knees- and it was the inability to catch my breath. Not this time. I could do open and close jacks, jack cross uppercuts,  plyo jumps with a crossjab, Y planks to pike-ups- basically a whole slew of high intensity moves with no modifier. (A modifier is a low intensity form of a move for people that have knee problems or any other reason they are unable to do the full move) Have you ever amazed yourself? Done something that you never thought you could?  That was me last night.  Flying through the high intensity moves without a hesitation and the actual motivation and mental push- that voice in my head saying, "You can do the full out move, stop being lazy." I have never had that before- that voice used to say, "Yea right, no way, or conserve your energy- if you go too hard you will never get through this workout. "
After a shower and some wind-down time I was laying in bed. I couldn't stop thinking about how far I have come. Three months ago I couldn't have instructed a class while giving verbal cues and breathing- I just didn't have the stamina,  endurance,  whatever you want to call it.  Six months ago I couldn't do any of the moves in Insanity Max: 30 without the modifier and many breaks. So, I may have lost some tone but I have improved in other places. Six months ago I would busy into treats everyone Shaun T said,  "You maxed out " Yes, I cried after every single workout. It was a cathartic release that I desperately needed. I cried out all of my frustration and depressed feelings, cried tears of joy that I made it through another workout, cried because I was getting my own 2 feet back on solid ground and earning back my own self esteem. So how dare I almost break down tonight because I have been slacking?
Weekly, I am telling at least one of my challengers that it is all about small daily improvements and correcting small behaviors one day at a time. I need to follow my own mantra. I need to stop being so hard on myself and make the daily improvements I need to get back to where I was.  
So I'm pledging to push play on my Max: 30 workout everyday.  I'm going to do the full out moves because I CAN do them, I'm going to get my tone back and take my fitness to a level that I have never before.  Why? Because I CAN do it. So can you.
With that said,  I try to blog with a purpose. I try to send a positive, motivating or empowering, message without too much self promotion. So here goes. I'm a real person, I'm human and I make mistakes.  You too. Our journeys aren't always one directional. There are detours, there are freeways and sometimes you make a U-turn without even meaning to. So keep plugging and strive to get a little better everyday. xoxo court